some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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