No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
