They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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