Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
two words: eviction party
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
