I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
