Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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