I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
