I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
