Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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