She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
