maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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