So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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