dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
