Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
try to milk me bitch
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