fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
