Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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