i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
