you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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