ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
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