I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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