so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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