so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
