Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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