"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
