she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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