this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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