apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
