thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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