i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
