That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
