Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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