school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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