i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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