My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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