Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
