Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
