turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
