Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
