nut hugger
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
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