my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
