remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
