I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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