it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
