I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
