Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
