just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
