Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
