apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
