I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
