She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
