tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
