dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
